- Coming on strong and fast...These people often have addictive personalities. This applies to all areas of their lives. They want the high of a new relationship--it makes them feel good. They won't last, because when things get rough, they cannot cope, because it no longer feels only good. Their personalities can be very charming and they may truly seem sincere, but if things are going too fast, watch out.
- Maintaining relationships...if they do not have any friends, you should really ask yourself why. They may be a relationship hopper... going from one right into another, and may expect you to become their new everything. This position brings way too much pressure and is impossible to fulfill. We all need different relationships in our lives, from which we can draw, to fill different needs. Nobody can be everything to anyone. These relationships can become smothering and controlling.
- Self absorbtion...pay attention to what the other person talks about. Do they ask about you, or they mostly talk about themselves? If they seem to talk mostly about their own interests and so on, they are not going to have your best interests at heart. They are likely interested only in what you can give them.
Red Flags: avoiding unhealthy relationships
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- listening...if this person is a good listener, they will listen to you...really listen and discuss whatever it is you want to talk about. You should never find yourself carefully avoiding multiple topics, in order to avoid being shot down or ignored, knowing the other person will not want to hear/talk about it.
- abusing animals...many a serial murderer started this way. It is only a matter of time before this person abuses a human if they abuse helpless animals. They may have problems feeling empathy, therefore making it very possible for them to hurt others in many ways, without feeling guilty.
- drinking...if you notice the persone drinks on a daily basis, you should really really watch to make sure it isn't alcoholism. At first, they may not let you see how much they really consume, but wait till they become more comfortable with you. You cannot fix any type of addiction. This is not something that a healthy relationship can have in it.
- bedside manner...it they are not willing to take care of you when you are ill, they show selfishness and a lack of compassion. True love means cleaning up vomit and poo. This also applies to having too much to drink and being very tired. Some would even go so far as to take advantage of your vulnerability during times when you are sick. This is a huge deal and should not be ignored.
- Being critical...if someone is critical of you, even in small ways, down the road, there will be no way for you to please them. These people are unhappy with themselves and turn their non-acceptance of themselves on you. You do not want to be in this position.
- No ambition...they could be lazy, which means they may not be willing to put effort into making the relationship work. Also, someone without motivation may have low self esteem issues, and believe they are incapable of achievement...an unhappy person, anxious, because they have no direction. Misery loves company and can suck the life out of you.
- lying...if they would do it about little stuff, to avoid conflict with others, and you see them doing it, you can expect that they are doing the same thing to you.
- Anger...even if it isn't directed at you, angry people are angry people. If they have enough anger inside that they have not dealt with, it is going to be directed toward you eventually, as things progress.
- being pushy...if the other person pushes for their own way in little things, they will become the boss of you down the road. When it comes to any type of behavior towards you that you feel uncomfortable with, they should respect what you want. If you tell them no, they should respect it and stop. If they seem willing to push the issue about what they want to do or where they want to go, over your preferences, it is not a good sign.
- easy to offend...if someone is easy to tick off, chances are, they have a chip on their shoulder. Someone has hurt them in their past, and they are (likely unconsciously) waiting for the next person to come along and knock the chip off. People with this issue can turn on a dime and snap on you so fast you don't know what hit you. One min. they are sweet as pie, and in an instant, when you say or do some tiny thing they took offense to, BAM suddenly they become the victim and you their abuser (in their mind)!